


So Maybe We're Having a Sapling

by nonky



Series: So Maybe Series [3]
Category: Crazy Ex-Girlfriend (TV)
Genre: Dr. Shin, F/M, George - Freeform, Karen - Freeform, Mrs. Hernandez - Freeform, Season/Series 03, maya - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-13
Updated: 2018-01-13
Packaged: 2019-03-04 06:53:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,696
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13358865
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nonky/pseuds/nonky
Summary: Previously on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend: Go watch "I Gave You a UTI" and "Let's Have Intercourse" videos.Somewhere in an AU of their two weeks of dating, Nathaniel's employees let him know some news about Rebecca he probably should have noticed without it taking a mob scene at a Planned Parenthood. Then again, proving a negative is notoriously difficult, and sometimes a baby sequoia might be half flip flop.





	So Maybe We're Having a Sapling

Enthusiastic debate from a bunch of lawyers and paralegals should have been a sign of passion for their work and the exchange of ideas. Nathaniel feared it was mostly about an online quiz to predict what type of socks expressed their truest selves.

Maya's voice had an invasive, shrill note when she was really worked up. It was possible she couldn't help it, but it carried in the slightly cool air of the office. Nathaniel didn't even need to hear words to know his reaction would be utter disdain for whatever conversation he was unfortunately going to hear next. The only other person he could identify as speaking was Darryl, and no one loved inane topics more than Darryl.

He took his time leaving his office, enjoying the dulling effect of the glass to collect his patience. Maya might not know she sounded like a shriek being run through a a carwash. Maybe it was a medical condition.

"OMG, I can't even. Paula told me - well, she didn't tell me, but I overheard something that told me and she definitely winked when I guessed -" She interrupted herself with an awkward hand gesture and actually flailed at thin air. Her voice dropped in volume for a few words, heavy with reverence even as it removed Nathaniel's ability to make out words. "Rebecca is pregnant! I'm not sure how far along, but I have been watching this show on Netflix -"

"Serendipitous Arbor Day Aby-yay? I love that show. It is so meta, but also just so heart-warming. But everyone has their humanizing moments or it would be too schmaltzy, you know," Darryl asked.

Nathaniel caught the pig latin, and had to stop walking to roll his eyes. He was in a good mood, so no one was fired, but there were limits. Adults who wanted to be discreet in what they said should take their conversation off of company property. Or just shut up, if they really thought what they were saying shouldn't be heard by other people.

"I know! And I was so sad when it looked like Franessa was going to have to give up her baby to strangers, but now the adoptive parents have bought the house across the street by total chance! She'd still get to see her baby all the time! I'm sure it will be hard, but she can be a part of his life. She can know him, and they can have his little birthday every year on Arbor Day! I love trees. It's such a cute theme for a party!"

Nathaniel mentally noted who had gathered at Paula's cubicle, and cleared his throat. He was trying to discourage this incessant curiousity about Rebecca. Just yesterday the topic of conversation had been how hot Rebecca's Dr Shin was, and if she might fall in love with him over their soul-baring talks about her issues with men. 

He hadn't appreciated the gossip, and appreciated it less now. Paula wasn't even at her cubicle, and he felt like she wouldn't like it having her space be the meeting spot for flaking off from work.

"What's going on? Why are you zombies all hovering around like you converged on Paula like a slacker horde and ate her? Where did she go?"

"She had to go take Rebecca to the doctor," Darryl said proudly. 

Nathaniel felt his mouth drop open. These people were so insensitive it was a miracle they didn't ask clients their correct weight and age to put it in the company news letter. He also didn't like the sound of that. Rebecca should be able to get to the doctor herself, shouldn't she? No one had taken her license or her car.

"Hold on, is Rebecca okay? Was it an emergency?" Now his tone was a little too shrill, and he couldn't stop it from coming out.

"I think it was just for moral support. Is Paula in trouble," Maya asked. 

"Don't blame Paula, I would have said she could go . . . if she asked me . . . which she didn't . . . but maybe she was just excited," Darryl fumbled. 

Nathaniel sneered. Rebecca was off on leave. All she did was go to doctor's appointments. He searched over heads and saw George, who had that uniquely infuriating look of verbal constipation plastered all over his stupid George face. 

"Do you know anything about this?"

"Are you going to fire me again?"

"I am if you don't tell me what I need to know."

"Those two were talking about trees," George pointed out Darryl and Maya, and fled with a stack of legal pads he grabbed at random. Nathaniel had to admit he was happy to see someone else in the office was getting some cardio.

"We weren't really talking about trees," Darryl said. "Metaphorical trees. You know, from tiny acorns mighty oaks shall grow. Huh, I wonder if the father is tall though. I'm picturing Baby Groot, but with bushier hair."

Maya froze and her large eyes went so wide Nathaniel had to look over his shoulder for a zombie horde. He also had to wonder if Rebecca had confided his nickname to her friend, and Paula had vented to the whole staff. Their youngest employee looked haunted. He really hoped his penis hadn't done something to deserve becoming the shamefully unprofessional thing no one could move past that week.

Obviously, all the sex with Rebecca was shamefully unprofessional, but none of it had been at work. At home, he could let her climb him all she wanted. Maya was still gaping with a dewy tragic expression. Nathaniel refused to look down and instead shifted his weight. He felt appropriately zipped up, but he'd been slowly losing the famous Plimpton poise since he arrived in West Covina.

He hadn't exactly been the perfect gentleman about Rebecca when they'd first slept together, but he'd been protecting her privacy since then. People at work knew they'd been together before her visit to her mother. He'd melted down a little in her absence and used it as a reason why he somehow had more of a right to speak to her than they had. Nathaniel still kind of believed that, mostly because he didn't want to see the horde of emotionally needy zombies putting pressure on Rebecca to seem fine.

"Oh. Oh no. Oh, that would be such bad timing right now," Maya said sadly.

Darryl gave up on his own mumbling and everyone turned to listen to them carefully. "What? No! She'd love it! It might be hard, but she'd be -"

He broke off and shrugged uncomfortably, making his suit look even more like the jacket was wearing him. "No matter what she was going through, she'd love it."

But he didn't sound certain, and Maya was looking at her sensible shoes with a pout. 

"I don't know! I mean, she was ready to get married and then she was devastated. And now if you ask her about Josh Chan, she just says he's in the rear view mirror of her life. What if he's the ad-yay of the abby-yay? That would be so, so, so hard on her to end up stuck having to see him for 18 years."

"Hold on! What was that about Josh Chan? Josh Chan is irrelevant," Nathaniel said sharply.

They looked at him as if he'd blended in with the group. He was their boss and one day they would care he was glaring at them to return to their desks and do some work. He just couldn't say which day, or when it would happen.

"Nothing! No one said anything about him. It just sounded like this dumb thing on Netflix," Maya told him, her body going stiff as she shifted nervously. The effort of silence clearly strained her small body, and she braced like a Pomeranian show dog before a knee-high hurdle. Words burst out, making Maya seem a good foot taller than she was. 

"This woman accidentally gets pregnant and she gives up the baby to a couple, but the couple becomes a part of her life and then they all kind of end up helping one another through all the changes in their lives. So when their little Arbor Day miracle baby is born, everyone is a team, and they raise their baby together like that. It's dumb."

"It's dumb enough to work," Darryl said. "I wouldn't mind getting married again, if I knew it would give a baby a good home. I could be on the team!"

Nathaniel felt his stomach rumble with a feeling he could only call doom. "Are you saying Paula was talking about a baby tree? Did she say it was a sequoia?"

They all looked at him funny, which was rich coming from them. He supposed he sounded odd, but this might be how he found out he was going to be a father. He might be the father to Rebecca Bunch's post crisis miracle baby. 

Of course, it was only a few months ago marrying Josh Chan was her entire focus. And that left out the weird disappearing act when anything could have happened and the hot doctor who was helping her get well. 

He might not be the father to Rebecca Bunch's post crisis miracle baby. The doomed feeling in his stomach became more of a hot, queasy panic. 

He didn't wait for answers. Rebecca had told him her therapy days, and they sometimes had lunch together around those. He pulled out his phone and scrolled with shaking fingers. It wasn't a therapy day. 

Paula's empty chair flew back and hit the cloth wall divider, startling most of the group that hadn't quite caught up to his heart attack in progress. Nathaniel loosened his tie as Karen slithered up the back of the chair and posed suggestively near his face. 

"I heard everything," she said smugly. "Paula took down her Planned Parenthood bumper sticker to call a number and then she called Rebecca back. She said 'It's not going to go away just because you ignore it.' She was in a big hurry when she left."

"What are you doing down there?" Darryl shuddered.

"I've been slithering," Karen said. "For fitness."

Everyone seemed relieved when she slithered out of sight.

Nathaniel hadn't really considered himself a secret Rebecca was keeping, and hearing she was pregnant from his kooky employees made him realize he really wasn't sure her little acorn was also his sequoia sapling. It might be a baby flip flop, or she might get manipulated to be Darryl's surrogate out of some misguided urge to prove she was better. 

He was determined to be reasonable and not to shit himself at work again. He was going to assume this horribly saccharine personal drama was not happening behind his back. He was going to have to go with these losers to keep them in line, because all of them were actually putting on their coats to troop down to Planned Parenthood and weigh in on the contents of Rebecca Bunch's womb. 

Maya and Darryl's unfounded pity for his potential unborn child was particularly jarring. He might not be the best father, but he would certainly not be the worst thing to happen to a kid. And Rebecca's faults were based in loving too much, holding on too hard to other people while losing her grip on her own self. Their child would be loved and taken care of with every resource two Ivy-League lawyers could muster. He would drain his trust fund and quit work if that's what it took.

It was insanity, and he felt his inner compass shift to batshit nonsense as he grimly took his place in the parade of jesters he was trying to pass off as a legal office. He was obviously not objective anymore, and someone needed to be an advocate for appropriate boundaries. 

Nathaniel let everyone else break off in carpool groups, walking quickly to his own car and turning in the opposite direction they were driving. 

 

Valencia had done her best to roll back the social media terror she had unleashed on Rebecca's life.'#Where'sRebeccaBunch' had mostly stopped trending, though it kicked up from time to time with someone discovering it late and trying to understand how it had been a thing for a whole town. People had moved on to other things, which was lucky. When Rebecca wasn't at home, she was very often out screwing her old boss. 

The fans who had supported her recovery included a core group of actual friends who knew her. For their sake, Valencia kept an alert in place. She answered anyone who seemed legitimately concerned about new rumours. Last week someone had looked up Dr. Shin's picture and decided he and Rebecca should hook up. It had inspired '#PlayDoctor' but most people just wanted to hear Rebecca was doing okay. 

Valencia's life was also getting back to normal. She was teaching yoga again, and she made it a point to wait a full thirty minutes of introspection before she put anything online. She didn't even really go online than once a day, just to check in and like one-dish dinner recipes. 

When she saw two of Rebecca's coworkers standing in a parking lot talking about some television show, she reblogged it to be nice. It was a stupid conversation but they were chirping back and forth and clearly big fans. It seemed harmless, until the full post appeared with tags for '#BunchBaby' and '#PlannedParenthood.' Worst of all, they were filming it all in front of a Planned Parenthood, and the camera phone had wandered to show a street sign to identify which one. Posting it to the official Rebecca Bunch facebook had made it look like a coy confirmation.

"Oh, God," she muttered. 

She hadn't been visiting all that often, and had no idea if Rebecca was pregnant. It was a possibility, because Heather had said Nathaniel and Rebecca were having enough sleepovers to make a couple of babies. 

After a few minutes of watching people repost with tags to their friends, it was obvious the truth was not the issue. There were Rebecca fans gathering outside Planned Parenthood. They were making their own videos congratulating Rebecca or branching off into little speeches about how important women's healthcare was to mother and child. The internet loved a rumour, and no one seemed to be thinking about Rebecca as a person who hadn't said anything inviting them to know any of this, let alone stalk her to her appointment to cheer her on.

Valencia cringed as a new video loaded of a very strange, very skinny woman pushing to the front of the small crowd. She wavered in a snakelike way, her eyes fixed on a camera held out in front of her. 

"I'd like to take this moment to congratulate Rebecca and her baby daddy," the woman said. "And in this joyous time, I also want to say a family can be anything made with love. Sometimes it's a woman and man having a baby together. Sometimes it's a woman and a snake and a convicted felon eligible for parole in no less than 17 years. Love doesn't care if you don't have legs!" 

That video was oddly tagged with an animal rights proposition that seemed too made up not to be real, and '#slitheron4love.' And even that post was getting reblogs and shares. 

Texting Heather found her at work, so Valencia grabbed her purse. She was going to need help to get the online Rebecca fans to go home. She also really didn't want to confront that weird snake lady alone.

She was flagging down Heather's attention from the doorway of Home Plate before she realized she might have expected to see Hector lingering at a table near the bar. White Josh was facing her, and his eyes widened in a way she didn't like, and only then did Valencia see Josh Chan seated with them. He had a cup of coffee in front of him but he wasn't wearing his work apron. 

Rebecca's personal drama had dragged through West Covina like the glorious tail of a dramatic peacock, getting a ton of people stuck in her feathers. Valencia herself had to climb out at some point, and decide to be friends instead of fuel for the festival of ongoing romantic subplots. She was glad to have some distance. Rebecca was a good friend, but not an uncomplicated one.

Heather, though, cut through everything unexpressed with loud, unrestrained disapproval. It was probably good for all of them. 

"Aw, hell," she swore, throwing down her bar towel - largely worn ceremonially over her shoulder - and narrowing her eyes. "Is this going to take longer than my lunch break or should I take the day?"

Valencia almost cheered. She had backup now.

"It's gonna be a while. I don't think it's too bad, but we need to get them to go home before they spook her," she said hurriedly. 

The her was always Rebecca, so it went without saying. Heather never got hung up much on the where or why, and that made her amazing at just going where she was needed and verbally corralling the resulting nonsense. 

"Yeah, okay," Heather said quickly. She disappeared to the back of the bar to excuse herself from work with or without permission. 

Valencia felt herself stand taller. They were really friends, grown women friends who could be friends over and above all the men in their lives. They were squad goals. 

"Is Rebecca okay?"

Josh Chan was out of his seat, doing his hesitant mid-distance stance that made him such a bad boyfriend. He looked like he cared, but he was too nervous of his own ability to make the leap to doing something. Valencia wasn't all that bitter, but she didn't want him tagging along on their very simple mission.

"She's fine. Just wanted to go and lend some moral support. It's more of a girl's thing, Josh," she said tersely.

"That's not really an answer," he said. "I know I missed that she was having so much trouble, but I want to help."

Heather had come back, slinging away her towel and apron and grabbing a hemp purse with fringe that would look unfashionably cheap carried by anyone else. She glanced at Josh, and frowned. 

"You left her at the altar, dude," she said. "That kind of puts you on the list with the trouble. Stay here. Cover the rest of my shift if you want to feel useful."

"I'm trying to adult more. I know I have a lot of work to do, and I owe Rebecca," he said, firming up his shoulders and bringing his chin up. 

Valencia made her tone kinder. "More people would be part of the problem right now. Just keep doing what you're doing. It's not an emergency. It's just one of those things that happens around Rebecca."

One that she'd created, and let grow beyond managing. She could tell her impatience was obvious. 

Hector was on his phone, tapping and scrolling. He passed the phone to Josh, who looked at it without spotting the offending hashtag for a few seconds. White Josh looked over his shoulder and got it quicker. He had a momentary guilty look that probably meant he'd seen Darryl in the crowd. 

Valencia wasn't really sure how an entire office of lawyers could drop everything to watch for Rebecca in a parking lot. She just didn't want to see another Rebecca Bunch movement overshadow her friend's recovery. 

Hector finally pointed out the most worrying part of the post, and Josh went pale. "She's pregnant?"

Heather's eyes rolled and she slapped Hector's arm. "That was not helpful to the situation," she said. 

"I think this is big enough he deserves to know," White Josh said. 

He looked wounded. Valencia made a mental note herself to ask about White Josh and Darryl's recent breakup. There were too many sets of recent exes in their little group for her liking. 

"Yeah, and some things should be private, but they end up on the internet," Heather said brusquely. "We were going there to get people to leave without bothering Rebecca at her doctor's appointment. I'm sure whoever needs to know will hear from her, but do you want it to be in a mob scene?"

"I need to be there." 

Both Joshes were very serious, and Hector looked scared to argue with anyone. Valencia didn't have time to debate. 

"Whatever."

 

Nathaniel felt himself hunching as he walked through the hospital. He knew it was stupid. He felt memories pressed tight to his chest, all his horrible memories of Rebecca's stay there forming little horror movies he didn't remember consciously picturing until they flashed over his mind. 

She was fine. He would watch for every sign otherwise, and Dr. Shin could help him do that. 

Talking his way in to see her psychiatrist was dumb luck, but he could do arrogant privilege to his advantage. Nathaniel was in front of Dr. Shin shortly, being waved to sit in front of his tidy desk. 

"Hello. I understand you're here on a recommendation from a patient of mine," the doctor said politely. 

"I'm a friend of Rebecca's - Rebecca Bunch," he said. "I think she needs you to go to her. I think we both need to go to her, and - talk to her?"

K

The other man nodded, but he was cautious when he answered. "I think I might know who you are," he said. "Nathaniel? She's been seeing you socially and you worked together."

Nathaniel was surprised for no reason. It made sense Rebecca might talk about him. He wasn't comfortable with it, but he knew it logically. 

"She's at Planned Parenthood right now, and I think she's just found out she's pregnant. And she didn't tell me about it, but I found out and I'm worried," he said. He was stuttering, and he could feel himself sweating. "I'm worried I maybe got her pregnant. I'm worried she didn't know how to tell me, and I'm worried she's going to react - I want to be there for her, but I know I'm freaking out. So I need to bring you to be there for her, in case I -"

God, he was sweaty. He was soaking his shirt and maybe his jacket. The doctor stood up slowly, holding his hands up to again indicate the visitor's chair. 

"Nathaniel, you're obviously upset. I'd like you to sit down and we'll get you some water."

He knew he wasn't getting his point across. Nathaniel sat, but while the doctor went to get water he was furiously pulling up his facebook feed. He had it all ready to hand over when Dr. Shin came back to offer a sealed bottle gently. 

"I'll drink some water if you look at that," Nathaniel said hoarsely. "You tell me it wouldn't freak you out to leave a clinic and see all those people outside with signs with your name on them."

Dr. Shin scrolled and read, his face taking on tiny expressions of discomfort and tension. 

"It would be highly irregular to follow a patient to another clinic," he said hesitantly. "She has ways to contact me in a crisis."

Nathaniel slurped water and tried to stop sweating. He really didn't know all this anxiety had been inside him until Rebecca started jarring it loose. He wasn't entirely grateful to her for the personal growth.

"She was going to fly to Rome with me before she would agree to go to a doctor," he said between sips. "And I thought I was offering her a romantic getaway but she was running away. It took a whole bottle of pills before she would admit anything was really wrong. If Rebecca is pregnant, she didn't mean to be. I think that's a crisis. I think all those idiots lying in wait for her is another crisis. She just won't know about it until she tries to leave."

Dr. Shin was obviously torn, but he nodded his head in a way that was still very collected compared to Nathaniel's damp chest and laboured breathing. 

"Yes, okay. This has the potential to be be very traumatic. I will drive both of us there because I am also very concerned you should not be driving yourself," he said reasonably. "We can ask Rebecca personally if she would like to discuss it."

Nathaniel was up, slopping water on himself and nodding. "Yes, thank you!" 

He could feel the doctor judging him as he led the way out. It didn't seem to matter with Rebecca trapped by a horde of brainless facebook zombies. He might only be able to fall all over his words and muscle them both out safely, but Dr. Shin was a professional. 

Distantly, Nathaniel realized he had been picturing Rebecca's doctor older. There was no reason for a psychiatrist to be so handsome. It might even be irresponsible of him to treat patients for whom romantic attachments were a part of their symptoms. 

Between ugly gasps and little sips of water, Nathaniel realized he was hoping Rebecca wasn't pregnant, but if she was he didn't want anyone else to be her baby's father. It didn't help with the sweat.

 

Heather had some experience convincing a crowd to disperse. It was California, so about half of them would have weed on them. It might be legal, but she could still work her way around to a dozen people and see at least a third of them remember a prior appointment. After that she had to go to people individually, asking them as Rebecca's friend to leave. 

"Her mom doesn't know yet," she said. "She was going to call later."

"I heard someone called this in as a protest," she whispered to another group of strangers. "Rebecca would never want Planned Parenthood to get bad press."

"She's actually really shy sometimes and she's been feeling a little fatigue," Heather said, directing it vaguely at a few clutches of women who looked like moms.

"I think this is a fire lane. Someone came out of the clinic and asked if I'm in charge. I mean, do what you like, but I said I'd let people know they can't be this close to the building."

"I heard we were going to all meet up at a Del Taco," Heather said, smiling brightly to some girls who seemed too young not to be skipping school. "Rebecca's been having some cravings."

Valencia had gathered Rebecca's co-workers. She was trying to get them to leave, but they had come to some kind of conclusion they were needed. Even as Heather was clearing out the strangers, the crowd that was left was the oddest of the group. 

"Hey, did you drive? They're towing people," she said, not waiting for answers as she tapped on shoulders and pushed along. 

"The clinic manager says we can't be in front of the steps or they have hand over the security footage of the parking lot. When they have too many people hanging around they have to call it in for loitering."

Both Joshes and Hector were doing their best to convince people to leave, and it was working. They were probably lying badly, but it was worth it to get results. 

One more car pulled up and Nathaniel stumbled out from the passenger seat. He stretched his legs and looked up at the sky as if he was feeling car sick. Valencia turned away for a moment and Rebecca's coworkers took off for the building entrance. She sighed heavily. 

"You don't look well."

Nathaniel rubbed at an oily forehead and nodded. "I don't feel well. Has anyone seen her?"

"We were trying to get some people out of here. Unfortunately, I think the ones who are going to freak her out the most know where to find her at home," she said. "Did you bring her doctor here?"

Dr. Shin was momentarily distracted by Karen's sign endorsing free snake love. He glanced at Nathaniel and held out a hand to Valencia.

"Hello, you're a friend of Rebecca's?"

"I am," she said. "And don't take this the wrong way, but this whole gathering has gotten out of hand. We were just convincing people to go away. Rebecca wouldn't want this attention."

The doctor nodded, observing the remaining people as most of them ran into the building and held the door shut behind them. They peered out like children afraid of the dark. 

"I'm Dr. Shin," he said. "Nathaniel is very concerned, and he told me a few things that made me concerned. What's your name?"

"Valencia, and I was the one who was dumb enough to use the internet to rally people to encourage Rebecca's recovery," she said. "So now I also have to be dumb enough to try to chase them off when they do stupid stuff like this."

He nodded, but his voice took on a scholarly tone. "As an aside, you can't control how people respond to what you tell them. If they're going to be overly involved, it's up to them individually to recognize they are not respecting boundaries."

"Doctor, that's great, but I need you to talk to Rebecca," Nathaniel interrupted. "I need to talk to her. She has to know I'm here for her."

Valencia crossed her arms. Heather wrestled Karen's sign away and walked over just in time to speak in a flat, discouraging tone. "It seems like she knows your number, and chose not to call you. Maybe Dr. Shin can be helpful, but Rebecca called Paula to be here. Everyone else is just sort of crashing," she said. 

Heather looked around and found only their small group and Karen left behind. She rolled her eyes so hard it hurt, reached into her purse for her emergency 'hold my beer' can of beer, and hurled it in Karen's direction while screaming, "OH MY GOD, THEY'RE USING TEAR GAS!"

Karen didn't even pause to look as she screamed to herself, "RUN KAREN!"

Heather led the way into the clinic. She refused to look behind her at Rebecca's various men and Valencia's guilty hesitation. West Covina was a weird ass town, and she'd learned to roll with it. 

Inside the building, Paula was holding her arms straight out, her mouth turned down in supreme motherly protective instinct. She was also flanked by two security guards who were not pleased to see a lot of random people storming the doors and attempting to barricade themselves inside. 

"There is no money at this location. We do not allow protestors inside the clinic out of respect for the privacy of our patients. Anyone without an appointment or a legitimate reason to be here has to leave," one of them was rhyming off. 

It didn't look like the first time he'd said so, and his hand was on a small canister of what was likely tear gas attached to his belt. 

Valencia pushed ahead, aware her wedding planner wardrobe was the closest to a convincingly put together outfit in the whole group. Nathaniel could have been passable if he wasn't sweating like he was somehow encased in an invisible sauna and wheezing. 

"We aren't protesting anything," she said. "We are supporters of a patient here, someone we all love and want to feel that sense of community while she deals with her news."

Paula dropped her arms and groaned. "You thought Rebecca needed a mob to come down and help her feel better about her urinary tract infection?"

Rebecca peeked around a security guard, her eyes scanning the long line of visitors. "Hi . . . "

Nathaniel shoved forward, unwisely putting himself in the line of fire for Valencia's sharp elbows thrown back. 

"Rebecca, I'm here for you. I want you to know you can, you know, tell me about - our little - our little developing sapling," he said, getting it out after a few attempts. 

She shook her head, blue eyes clouded with confusion. "I don't - This is nice, but I'm probably just going to take some pills," she said calmly. "Boy, these guys really will do anything to get out of work."

Josh, unwilling to be ignored as just a part of the group, stretched up taller and called out. "Rebecca, if you're pregnant, I'm here to be a father. I want to live up to my responsibilities."

The cloudburst of unsolicited opinions got everyone talking, overlapping voices mentioning babies every few seconds. It was nothing but voices and Paula slapping at the air as they all listed their false assumptions. 

"Oh my god, Paula, am I pregnant?!" Rebecca looked down at her bright dress, smoothing it over her front worriedly. "I'm not, right? It's just the UTI?"

Her best friend was too busy shushing and air slapping to reply, and Rebecca was in full alert her wardrobe had led her astray. 

"Wait, is this how they film that show? I always thought it was actors playing the real people much later. They always do that dumb thing where you have to see the woman sweating and pushing and panicking in labour. Oh, god, does this dress make me look that puffy I should be crowning? Should I be crowning?!"

Paula shut the whole thing down by turning to her and taking her hands. "No, honey, you look great. It's all these bonkers people who have lost their damn marbles. We do know them, though, guys," she said, dismissing the security.

Rebecca tucked her hair behind her ears and nodded, smiling with relief. "Okay, yes, you're right, Of course I'm not. I mean, I did have that false positive but that was a long time ago. It would have come out by now. Right?"

"A lot of those women don't even gain weight and they think early labour is just normal cramps," Maya said. "Those are true stories."

"I'm here for you, Rebecca."

"But no one asked you, Darryl. I'm here to support you and our child," Josh said. He tried to shuffle sideways, but they had made a sort of cork in a bottle effect in the little hallway. 

"That's not your child. She's my girlfriend and we'll talk about this baby - or options, or having a baby together or whatever she wants. But I'm a part of this." Nathaniel gamely tried another press to break the line in front of him, getting another elbow in the gut.

Valencia approached Rebecca, reaching a hand high to catch her fingers. "I don't know what's going on with you and Nathaniel or Josh or . . . Darryl? Are you sleeping with Darryl? Your local facebook fans saw the hashtag and it started trending. They were outside. They made signs and there are a lot of them. I swear I didn't ask them to come. Someone put it under a hashtag and now you're a symbol of the need for healthcare for women without politics interfering."

"I don't even know how you knew to come here," Rebecca said wonderingly. "Paula?"

"We'll go out the back door. You don't owe anyone here an explanation, Cookie," she said.

"That's a good plan, but on the off chance my water breaks and I have to have a baby today, you're going to hold my hand, right?"

"I'd kill every one of these assholes before I let you down, honey," she agreed. 

Rebecca was still preoccupied with her dress, tugging it longer and looking down at herself as she took deep breaths to check how it bulged. "Oh, hi Dr. Shin."

The man looked embarrassed, his shoulders stiff as he tried to keep his place upright while everyone struggled a bit to find a spot of floor big enough for both feet.

"Rebecca, your . . . friend came to me with a concern you were making a hasty decision about a pregnancy. I told him I couldn't reveal anything of our therapy but I am able to help you discuss it with any possible father. My only role is to help you recover, but I know part of your life is the potential for a relationship and a family that taxes your coping skills."

Darryl hopped up and down, trying to catch her eye. "I'll adopt the baby from you. I'm already a dad and I want this so much. You can visit as much as you want!"

Nathaniel turned on him and pushed him away, strangling him with his tie a little.

"Darryl, I like you, but you need to back off and quit talking about my kid like picking out a stray kitten in a barn litter. Rebecca and I are both here, and we wouldn't just hand over a baby! I mean, adoption is a valid thing for some people-"

"Oh, this is unbearable," Rebecca said. "I need to pee, and I'm going to go do that alone. NO ONE FOLLOW ME."

"Check the bowl for the mucus plug," Maya called. "It's often the last sign before active labour."

Rebecca went white, but there was no one unaffected by hearing the gruesome detail. "Paula, if I go in there and a baby starts coming out while I pee, I'm going to scream and you come in to catch it," she said. 

"Trust me, Cookie, I'll find a catcher's mitt and do a home run slide if you really need me there," she agreed. 

Paula looked over their whole sorry group, her arms crossed. She shook her head and let her eyes trail over them in specific, meaningful disapproval. Once she saw enough red faces, she held up her hand and pointed to the dusty corner of the room where a single sad end table held magazines. 

"Anyone with a penis, go over there. I will deal with you in a minute. Do not argue with me right now," she said threateningly. "I will twist them until they come off in my hands. You know what I mean."

Hobbled somewhat by nervously covering their crotches, every man present retreated to the corner. Only Nathaniel and Josh were brave enough to mutter about it, emboldened by their new paternal instincts. Dr. Shin shoved them along and looked over his shoulder. 

Starting with Maya, who was already showing signs of tearing up, Paula made very forceful eye contact with the remaining ladies. 

"Let me guess," she said scathingly. "You ship it. You're intrigued by Rebecca's personal drama. You think of her as a role model and you think that entitles you to being part of her private life. It doesn't. Wait for an invite next time. Women should be friends to one another, but not all of us will be. Go home. Stop telling people when you have threesomes!"

Maya's expression was so pinched she barely had facial features. Paula looked at Mrs. H next. "You don't even like Rebecca! Take Maya home! Remember to check under your car before you start it," she said, pausing to speak at a normal tone. "Karen is doing that slithering thing and she might be curled up on your engine block."

Valencia met her eyes sadly, and Paula relented enough to sigh. "I firmly believe you did not know what you were starting with all those internet randos. I know you will find a way to end it, so Rebecca can live a normal life. She will never stop being a precious, ridiculous drama vampire and we love her!"

Heather and Valencia both nodded furiously. "We love her so much!"

Paula nodded starkly. "Then we're agreed. Heather, are there cars actually being towed or were you making it up," she asked. 

"I was making it up. I also told some people there was a local serial killer who kills by slashing at ankles when they park at the nearest spaces to a building instead of leaving them for people who need them," Heather said, cringing. "And I told one guy I knew what he did last summer and he just started really bawling. I think I might have broken him."

Shrugging, the redhead looked at the bathroom door. "Well, he probably did something awful. Watch for Rebecca to come back and talk over where we should go for some cranberry and vodkas, once we get her antibiotics prescription filled. She's getting a cranberry and cranberry, though."

The female contingent duly sorted out, Paula strode over to the men and visibly relished their cowed glances at her expression. 

"Tim, you are married, go home. Take George and Jim with you. I have no idea why you even thought you had to come here," she said, letting her voice go cold. "Jim, don't you test me about all that Sam and Diane crap. You're no Ted Danson!"

They scurried away, and she looked at Darryl more leniently. "Darryl, you know this isn't the way to go about getting the baby you want," she said. "And White Josh, I think you both know breaking up was difficult but ultimately right. Go home, but do it separately. It doesn't help to back-slide into ex-sex because it's comfortable. You can be friends after a while. It won't be soon."

Darryl had to let go of White Josh's hand, and the process was a little more involved than necessary. She patted him on the arm as he went, murmuring, "It's going to be okay."

Her arms crossed over her chest as she looked at Hector with a shrug. 

"I'm just here to help Heather," he said quickly. "We've been going out."

Instantly, Paula grinned and dimpled with sunny pleasure for her friend. "Well, that's really sweet! Get the hell out still, but I like you. You're a nice guy and she deserves someone who's going to treat her well. You have a good day!"

He relaxed, looking at Josh apologetically. "Thanks Paula, you too. It was nice seeing you."

"You, too! You guys are invited to my next backyard barbecue. Heather will let you know when," she said warmly. She went frosty toward Josh, Nathaniel and Dr. Shin. "You three."

Hector left after a quick kiss to Heather's cheek. Josh opened his mouth and Dr. Shin spoke to cut him off. 

"I have overstepped, and I see it very clearly. In future, I will remind myself of this situation and that events surrounding Rebecca tend to escalate into quite a lot of spectacle," he said sincerely. "I will apologize to her personally at our next appointment, and I hope she feels she can continue to work with me. I would also be happy to find a new doctor to take over, but that has to be her decision. Um, Nathaniel rode here with me. Is there someone who can give him a ride back to his car?"

Paula studied the doctor during his spiel, and nodded reluctantly. "We'll deal with Nathaniel. I'm in the eye of the storm, Doctor, and I need you here with me. We're going to get her well."

"That is my goal," Dr. Shin said. "Nathaniel, I really think you might benefit from seeing someone."

The lawyer nodded with his head down, still very sweaty and looking clammy at that point. "I'm sorry for taking you away from your office. Thank you for coming with me. I really did believe Rebecca needed you right away," he slurred. 

"He needs some electrolytes," Dr. Shin said. He glanced curiously at Josh Chan, as if he was puzzled how one ordinary guy had sent a smart lawyer's life into chaos.

Paula gave a little wave and glared at Josh and Nathaniel. "Neither of you has earned the right to just show up without her calling you and asking for you," she said firmly. "She is not pregnant. She was not pregnant. She is going to be fine, but that is all about her and nothing about either of you. That's where she is right now, and if it changes she will let you know. Assume radio silence is good news. Wish her well, from a safe distance."

Josh grumbled under his breath as he left, but he did so without looking back. He was mostly over Rebecca, and knew he had burned his bridges with her. Nathaniel had perched on a chair with his tall body hunched. He was still taking tiny sips of water, but it was squeezing out of him in sweat as fast as he replenished it. 

Rebecca returned from the bathroom to find three female friends and one very wilted sequoia. She hadn't felt a single contraction even when she deliberately jumped up and down a few times to give the head a chance to get out. She was 99% sure there was no baby on the way for her that day. 

Paula had her coat and offered it with one hand. Her other hand was digging in her purse for change for a vending machine. She bought Nathaniel a sport drink and handed it to him as he finished off his water. 

"Okay, we need a pharmacy and a bar, in that order," she said brightly. "Lead the way, Cookie. Nathaniel, we're leaving!"

Rebecca and Nathaniel sat in the back of Paula's minivan, while Heather and Valencia drove behind them like a secret service detail. They stopped a pharmacy and Paula ran inside for the pills with a suspicious look back over the seat at Nathaniel. He was meekly belted in, sipping his drink and sneaking shy glances at Rebecca as she watched him with open wonder. 

"You thought I was pregnant," she asked. "And you meant it, about being around to have a little sapling with me?"

He nodded. "It was a shock, and I was trying to be subtle. But, uh, yeah, I meant it. I mean, if you had been and if you wanted to . . . grow a sapling with me, I'd want it, too. Or even if it wasn't a sapling. If it maybe had a flip flop for a biological father, I could make that work. We could be leather sandals together. I'm sorry I gave you a UTI."

She smiled, dabbing a finger across his white knuckles around the bottle. "It's okay. Just don't sing a song about being proud of yourself."


End file.
